I ever led was for 90 Year 6 children just before their SATS. I know it was good because it felt like a TED Talk, received by all the adults listening too. So here it is!

I started by talking about growth. We cannot stay the same throughout our lives – can you imagine only knowing what you knew as a baby? No, we are built to learn and grow. But, there is a pace we need to take to ensure growth is healthy. I stretched some blu-tac at this point, making the point that if we try and take on too much too quickly we will…snap.

So, how do we make sure we keep ourselves grounded? I have 5 steps.

1. Breathe. It sounds so simple, but when we focus on our breathing, we control our system. Adrenaline makes our heart race, which sends a message to our brain that we are in danger. If we can’t take action to release the adrenaline through movement then we can breathe. Slowly and deeply. In, 2, 3, 4…out 2, 3, 4. A longer out breath will slow us down even more. Take a minute and breathe.
2. Smile. Again, sounds simple and a bit mad, however, actions influence our mood. We know our mood influences our actions – we feel sad so we cry, we feel happy so we smile. Try tricking your brain by doing the action first. Smile. And keep smiling until it becomes a real smile. Give your brain a minute to release the happy hormones and lift your mood.
3. Talk to yourself. Pay attention to what your brain is telling you. Is it helpful? Is it kind? Possibly not. What would be helpful to tell yourself in these moments? What would you tell a friend? Try things like “You’re ok.”, “I can do this.” Or “Just take a minute, I don’t have to get this first time.” Find a mantra, tell yourself what you need to hear.
4. Talk to others. It is so easy to feel alone when we’re stressed and overwhelmed but we’re never completely alone. Reach out, you’d be surprised how many other people are struggling. It really helps knowing that someone else is finding the same things tricky. It can also be a good distraction, talking about something else for a bit. Connect.
5. Find your thing. Do you love to sing? Run? Play football? It is so easy to become all consumed by the stressful thing so what brings you joy? Make time for it, remember who you are as a whole person. You don’t even have to be good at it, you just have to enjoy it.

Take 5. Don’t let yourself go under when things are challenging you. Things will pass, strength comes from experience and the habits you develop in yourself. Growth is part of life, don’t fear it.

Hi,

I don’t know if you’ll remember me, but we spoke a few years ago.

I thought you’d like to know where things are now as there have been some quite drastic changes! I ended up leaving the school and took 2024 as a sabbatical year. I travelled a bit, going to Edinburgh, LA, Switzerland, Amsterdam, Budapest and South Africa through the year. I also published a children’s picture book that I’d been sitting on for a few years! I started a website and blog that can be found at abikennedywrites.co.uk.

 I did some supply teaching and ended up retraining in project management. I started a new job this week in a project coordinator role, based in central London. It feels like a good fit, if not a bit overwhelming with lots of new things! But I’m in a much better place mentally and emotionally now, and have shared the tools I got from you with others. 

I hope you’re well,

In the tough times of our lives we can only hope that we have someone, anyone, come alongside us and help us to keep going. I was lucky with the people who supported me, but not all of them have stayed in my life. Some people are only there for a season right? But I wrote this to a couple of people who said they’d like to know how things turn out for me. I wonder if they still remember me and wonder how I’m doing. I know I think about the kids I’ve taught over the years and wonder how things turned out for them.

I had one reach out to me recently, which was utterly delightful (once I got over how old the interaction made me feel!) It was amazing to hear how things had gone over the past decade for him; lots of twists and turns and still just the beginning.

It made me think about how new things can only come when old things end. I started a new job this week, in a new sector, with new people, in a new place, with new systems and knowledge and routines. It’s overwhelming. But I know it’s going to be good. So so good.

Only today did I take the time to pause and listen to how I’m feeling. There is the excitement that comes with new things, an unexpected contentment with this path I’m on now. And there is sadness. A grieving of the path I was on, the goals I thought I was working towards, an identity in a profession. All of that is still part of me, and who knows what the future holds, but I know I need to honour the grief. Goodbyes are healthy. Closure matters. Only when things close can you move on properly.

Adventure

What they don’t tell you about adventure is how it terrifies.

They don’t remind you to say goodbye to yourself.

By its very nature, adventure is life-shattering.

It takes a version of yourself and re-forms it completely.

Sure, the essence of you remains, but even that is grown, destroyed, evolved, reborn.

Every beginning starts with an end.

Schools across the UK have regular safeguarding training. We as teachers are taught to look for signs of abuse and neglect in children. This is essential training, and I don’t want to undermine the importance of paying attention to children to notice when something is going wrong. I would, however, like to suggest that something else should be added to this training.

Children are unsafe because of the adults in their lives, yet how often do we look properly at the adults in question? School drop-offs, pick-ups, parent meetings, parent workshops, coffee mornings, school events – all of these are opportunities to spot the parents who are fighting dragons.

It’s easy to assume that the people who commit child abuse and neglect their children are psychopaths. Evil people who have no right to anything except having their children taken away from them with no questions asked. We see these cases reported in the media – warnings of what happens when systems fail. This is a reality, and a devastating one but I would argue it is a small part of reality. More often than not, neglect and abuse happen because parents are ill-equipped to deal with the demands of parenthood and/or life.

Consider these scenarios:

A mum gets diagnosed with cancer. Her husband works hard to keep the money coming in as she has to give up work. The child comes home to their mum in pain, their father absent. Dinner isn’t ready because nobody has the time, energy or skills to cook. Bath time doesn’t happen. The child is neglected until someone realises what’s going on.

A dad comes home after a long day of work to find his wife struggling with the kids. His dad always beat him growing up. He doesn’t want to do this, but he doesn’t know what to do to get the children to listen. He gets more angry and frustrated until he lashes out and hits the children. The children are now scared and act worse. The violence continues. The cycle gets worse until someone realises what’s going on.

A parent is left by their partner, left with 3 children. The split is devastating, and they have no-one they can turn to for support. Their mental health gets worse as they try and keep up with everything they need to do, and keep working to make rent. A drink in the evening takes the edge off. A drink turns into 2, into 3, into day drinking. Until they can’t function enough to look after their children. The children fall behind with nobody to help them with their homework, they go hungry with nobody fit enough to cook dinner. The children are told they remind the parent of the partner and are no good. The damage gets worse until someone realises what’s going on.

A child isn’t doing well at school. Extra homework is sent home to help, but no improvements are made. It turns out mum can’t read or write. The child is diagnosed with SEND. Mum is sent paperwork to fill out, but she can’t. Letters are being sent from the council about taxes not being paid. They are evicted, and the child falls further behind until someone realises what’s going on.

There are so many scenarios that could be mentioned here. So many warning signs that could be noticed if proper attention was paid to the parents. Who has had a life-changing event happen? Who looks stressed around the children? Who seems disconnected from their community? Who doesn’t have the language skills you’d expect?

When children are flagged by agencies as being at risk, schools are asked if they’ve noticed anything. The person or people being asked for this information are usually not in direct contact with the children, so resort to other means of gathering information. Do staff know what’s important to build a picture? To understand how the situation got to this point? None of it is an immediate turnaround, knowledge of context and development over time is essential. So when a parent shares in passing their divorce, their lack of English, how they did in school, their child with additional needs, etc, please report it. It may seem minor, but every little bit of information creates a bigger picture. The support could then be put in place that much quicker, that much easier, and received that much more gratefully. A school that shares this information can show they care and can help, which, for the child, could make all the difference.

I write from a school perspective, but this is applicable across agencies. Safeguarding works better when a community of understanding and kindness is created, when parents of children know that they won’t be judged for struggling. That when they show their dragons, they will be supported and equipped to tame or slay the dragon so they can be present for their children properly. After all, we’re all only human, and we’re never alone.

So here’s something that I’m finding right now. I’ve had a cracking year out, done loads of exciting things, a bit of supply teaching, trained to go into a new career and now…the job hunt.

Here’s the problem – I’m not getting a job on the timescale I laid out in my head. I have applied to lots, but have only had one interview in the new career sector. I didn’t get it because they felt I was overqualified, but want me to apply to a different role they have coming out. Which is lovely feedback, but still leaves me without a job.

Ladders is supposed to be about a child on her educational journey, but I’m feeling like the little girl on the ladder, climbing towards something but feeling incredibly frustrated. I want to give up, get off, and just go back to a job I was getting bored of. But.

But I’m lucky. I am not yet desperate enough to need to go for any random thing. I am surrounded by incredibly supportive people who are encouraging me to hold on, to hold out, to wait for the job that’s right for me. I have friends who understand what it is to walk the line of desperation and hope, who know what it is to have a dream and hold out for it.

The job market is tough at the moment. In many ways, life is tough right now. Anxiety and mental health issues are high, the economy sucks, changes are being made right, left and centre. It would be so easy to panic, lash out, give up. But I am choosing to just breathe.

Waiting is the hardest game. The unknown is scary, but there is hope that ultimately things will be ok in the end. And if they’re not ok? Then it’s not the end.

To everyone waiting right now, hang in there. Stay on the ladder, doing what you need to do to keep going. Just breathe, and keep climbing until you realise what you were climbing for: freedom.

Today is publication day! My book is now available to buy online from retailers around the world, including Amazon.

Who is it for?

I hope anyone can read it and find something inspiring in it, but I know I didn’t write this for everyone. I wrote it for the child I taught a decade ago, and for the one I taught a few months ago.

When I think about the girl I based the character on, I remember year 4 parents’s evening. She had been working hard and I was able to tell her dad how well she was doing. I mentioned that it would be helpful if he could read with her at home – a very standard request, almost throwaway. This man looked at me with the weight of the world in his eyes. He tried to explain that being a single dad to four children, and working to cover the bills meant that he simply didn’t have the time or energy to read with his kids. He had turned up to speak to teachers, he made sure they came to school every day, had their basic needs met, and here I was, telling him it wasn’t enough.

And it wasn’t.

This is the unfortunate reality for so many parents. Life is hard, they have dragons to fight, and the children have to get on with things as best they can. We can’t blame the parents. We can’t blame the people trying their absolute best to just keep their heads above water. But we can see them. And we can see the children. The job of schools and social care has become more than just teaching and protection. It has become their job to spot the dragons, see the gaps and do their best to fill them. Do their best to ensure neither parent nor child are left alone.

As they left parents’ evening that day, I heard her say to her dad, “Did I do good?”. For the first time, I think, he was able to say, “Yes baby, I’m really proud of you.” She didn’t become a different person, and there were other teachers she clashed with along the way, but for that moment? She had been seen, and she was doing good.

This story is for her. For all the parents fighting dragons. For all the children whose parents are damaged, but do their best regardless. You are not alone.

This story is also for all the teachers and professionals who see these children for who they are. Who see the dragons the parents are facing, and step into the gap. It makes all the difference.

Note: If you or your parents are fighting dragons, please talk to someone. Let a trusted adult know what’s going on. If you are unsafe at any time, talk to someone as soon as you can. https://www.childline.org.uk/